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278 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 1, 2022
“You and me, Jules. Always. The way it should be.”
Parker Ellis was awkward at the age of fourteen—tall and scrawny, all elbows and knees—but he was my awkward.
“I like staying with you,” Parker admitted softly a few minutes later. “Everything’s better when I’m with you.”You make every single day fun, Parker. You make regular life an adventureSilence with Julian had always been comfortable. Being around him was, in some ways, like being alone, only… being alone with the best part of myself.
How many people who were presented with everything they’d always wanted had the strength to say, “Nah, I’m good”?
“But even though Erin and I are getting married, you’ll always be my best friend. My other half. When we’re old and gray, it’s still gonna be you and me, Jules. Always. That’ll never change.”
My mouth opened and closed on a whole lot of nothing while Julian’s eyes bored into me.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, reaching out to run fingers through his hair. It really did feel amazing to the touch. Nothing stressed me out more than Julian Thick being upset, and if he was upset at me? Worst thing ever.
His bubble butt was calling my name, so I kicked him in it with my socked foot. “Feel sorry for me, bro.”
“Don’t call me that.”
I kicked him again. “Feel sorry for me, Peanut.”
“I hate you,” he muttered, swirling some olive oil into the pan.
“You love me.” I moved the piles of cut-up veggies over to his side of the kitchen before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “And thank god for that.”A life that didn’t have Parker Ellis in it every morning and night, making me smile, driving me crazy, grounding me in the constancy of his presence so that I could draw a deep breath… that was no kind of life at all.
Not for me.
“Parker Ellis has thought you personally hung the North Star since you were a first grader, and he’s steered his ship by you ever since. There was only ever the sexual attraction component that prevented you two from being the world’s most scorching couple, and from what Tiller said, Parks managed to wrap his head allllll the way around that little obstacle.”
My love for Julian was also comforting and safe. Familiar. Easy. But Julian was comforting like the sound of my own thumping heart, like the sunrise after a long night that lets you know the world’s still turning. Without him in my life, I wouldn’t know how to be myself.
And he was more than that, too. He provoked me and challenged me. He made me want to be a better person. He quieted my mind when it was zipping in a million directions and kicked my ass when I needed it in a way I wouldn’t tolerate from anyone else. He was the guy standing in front of me, when the world was against me, and the guy right behind me when I was achieving my greatest accomplishments. He was up and down, both the thrill ride and the best friend in the seat next to mine, holding my hand while I rode it.
My everything.
“You’re my comfort zone. You’re my stability. None of the rest matters. If I’m with you, I’m happy. Always have been.”
“Thank you for loving me,” I said softly. “You’re the greatest gift of my life.”
Over the years I took comfort knowing I was still his person—still the first one he told when he got a killer scholarship and wasn’t sure whether to take it, and the first person he called when he needed encouragement(…) I never doubted for a second that he was my person, too—the guy who rushed to my side when I was injured and sent me a joke every morning without fail during my most trying days in law school.
I was a hot fucking mess, and if I’d been with anyone other than Julian, I probably would have felt humiliated. But I was with Julian. And that made all the difference.